Sarah Does Pinterest, Part 2: The Lowe’s Adventure

I can’t count how many times I’ve dug around random drawers and cabinets in our apartment, trying to find a screwdriver. I wind up grabbing a butter knife and pat myself on the back for my ingenuity and call it a day. You see, Husband isn’t too handy around the house. He’s great at taking apart and putting back together the human body… but not much else. It’s 50% because he works 18 hour days, and 50% because if misses a nail and hits his finger with a hammer, he can’t operate. I doubt any patient would feel comfortable going under the knife when their surgeon has several fingers bandaged. So most of the handy stuff falls to me, and I’m content with my lot… I’ve found I enjoy it.

My dad had left his 18V electric drill at our place last time he visited, and I needed something to tighten the bolts on Gracie’s swing. A manual screwdriver would have worked just as well— it’s a travel swing and not substantial– but the drill was laying around and the butter knife wasn’t cutting it (pun. haha.).

Oh my word. Granted, I almost stripped the bolts because there was simply too much power… but, my friends… the POWER. Now I know why Rosie the Riveter is such an icon.

After conquering the swing, I turned to Husband and said, ” Forget new shoes. I want a power drill for Christmas”. I started imagining all the glorious Pinterest projects I could actually do, instead of pinning and pretend I’ll do them later (I’ve written a treatise on Pinterest in a previous post). I could buy ugly cheap things and turn them into passably decent things with a fake distressed look, for about $5 cheaper than something just as good, and new. I could turn our new rental house into a mecca of tasteful home-ness through artfully placed mason jars. I could make a new dining room table out of reclaimed driftwood, twist ties, and milk paint. The power drill would be my gateway drug to the euphoria of home DIY, and Pinterest was my drug dealer.

I think it had bothered my dad that we didn’t have any tools around the house, and without knowing I had set my mind to owning such a magnificent machine, he informed me that he was buying me a power drill while I was in Birmingham visiting them. Cha-ching.

I hadn’t been in to a home improvement store since getting active on Pinterest, and so my eyes were opened to the manifold possibilities of craftiness awaiting me on every aisle of the store. Don’t even get me started on the spray paint aisle.

However, I wanted to get my DIY fanaticism deeply under wraps while in the store. I am fully convinced that a punching bag with the Pinterest logo on it is located in the employee lounge at Lowe’s and Home Depot. The employees probably spend most of their break time sharing horror stories of women who walk in asking for random items because “they saw it on Pinterest”.

So, I was at a loss when Dad and I were browsing through drills and the employee asked me what I was planning to use the power drill for.

Don’t say Pinterest projects. Don’t say Pinterest projects.

“Oh, you know… DIY stuff.”

(I failed to realize that the ENTIRE PURPOSE of Lowe’s is DIY, hence making me sound like a complete idiot and probably earning a conversation around the water cooler later).

Obviously this gave the Lowe’s guy no information whatsoever, so he asked what specific projects I meant.

Crap.

“Oh, umm…. you know… drilling holes in 2×4’s”

Yes, I actually said that. This also earned an incredulous look from my father.

Realizing my blunder, I quickly thought of something that would redeem myself in the eyes of this employee. I asked him where the shims were.

(in case you didn’t know, shims are small, thin pieces of wood that are used to wedge uneven things. or something. but they’re used in the Pinterest world to make table runners and wooden square door hangers and other nonsensical things. just look my Rental Home DIY board and you’ll see.)

The poor man had the decency to pretend to think for several seconds. He was probably praying that he would have enough self control to not climb on top of one of the omnipresent ladders in the store and throw himself off.

To wrap this up, we finally picked out a pretty yellow 12V drill. It’s battery powered and it lights up at the end, which I’ve decided is useful for two reasons:
1) I can drill something in a windowless room when power is out… which I’m sure will happen eventually
and 2) I can keep it by my bed as a makeshift flash light when the power goes out. I can drill into the air as I walk around the house looking for candles. It will also double as a self defense mechanism, because I’m certain any home intruder would run screaming from a 5’3″ woman running at him with a power drill.

We ended our time in the store with me skipping through the aisles, picking up hose clamps for my mason jar projects, the infamous shims, and finally going to the wood section, where I picked out my very own piece of wood. I didn’t know that it’s like a deli, where you have to pick out a big piece of wood and they cut it to whatever size you wanted. This deterred me (as I didn’t want to look stupid in front of yet another employee), but thankfully I found some precut pieces and picked out one I wanted (“I’m going to take you home and paint you, and distress you, and hang you on the wall, and love you…”).

Purchases made, items loaded, and they’re all still in the back of the car. While in the store, I momentarily forgot that I have a newborn. She’s my current DIY project… and so I will be transferring my Lowe’s goodies to my craft closet. The hypothetical craft closet that lives on my Pinterest board, that is.

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