Now You’ll Know What I Did This Summer

It’s my summer break and my alarm goes off at 5 am everyday.

It’s on my husband’s phone. It wakes me up so I can kick him awake until he gets up. Because, if I don’t kick him, he sleeps through it and is late for rounds. So, even though technically it’s his alarm, it’s useless unless I’m there.

I then roll over and go back to sleep until 8 or 9 am.

This whole adult-summer-break was really awesome for the first month. At this point, I am really, really, ready to get back to work. I believe breaks are enjoyed most when they don’t happen that often. Like candy, good steak, or Fox News… it looses its appeal if you have too much of it.

Here’s a list of accomplishments from the past six weeks:

– I’ve gotten really good at laying out by the pool. Contrary to popular belief, poolside lounging can go horribly wrong if not done with great care and forethought. Consequences can include but not be limited to sunburn, scalded feet, and assorted pool chair injuries.

– I’ve NOT gotten any better at cooking. As seen in several pictures on Instagram and Facebook, my attempted rainbow cake failed. I would like to point out that I got the concept correct- I created a six layer cake with different colors and white icing. What I didn’t do correctly was the size of the layers. My cursory glance at the directions kept me from seeing that you use 1/4 box cake mix per layer, not 1/2 box. Hence, my 30 pound behemoth. Which would have been awesome if I was feeding a small church with it instead of dinner at my in-laws. I sprained my wrist putting it in the car, and had to use couch pillows to cradle it in my front seat when I drove across town. I hated that cake.

– I’ve traveled. Well, not in the global stance, but I’ve been able to go back to my two homes- Birmingham and Jackson- for various weddings, showers, etc.

– I’ve proven that I will be a horrible parent. Willis is still in the middle of his terrible two’s and has now started to talk back to me. Whoever said that the fall didn’t affect animals is wrong, because my dog has a sin nature. If you don’t believe me, then leave something you value on the floor for 5 minutes and then you’ll begin praying for a mighty work in my dog’s soul. Three examples:

  1. He just passed gas next to me, hopped off the couch, ran across the room, and is now sitting on another chair smiling at me. Pure evil.
  2. He “found” my wallet (I’ve caught him neck-deep into my bags) and took out a Five Guys and Fries $25 gift card and chewed several holes into it. I can’t wait to whip it out next time I eat there (because he didn’t chew the serial number so I can still use it. This is a sign of passive aggressive behavior, in which he causes me embarrassment in public places since I won’t take him with me).
  3. He likes to climb on people. As in, he wants to cross over from one side of the couch to the other. I’m sitting in the middle. Instead of climbing across my lap, he climbs up on my shoulders, walks across my back, and then down to the other side. He’s like that monster truck that drives over cars in dirt-filled arenas.

– I’ve gotten in shape. I’ve worked out more consistently this summer than I’ve done since my senior year in college. So far the only practical result of this is that I’ve increased the number of shopping bags I can carry up two flights of stairs.

– I’ve read alot of books. This isn’t that different from what I do throughout the year, but with the amount of time I’ve spent at the pool, I’m devouring two to three books a week on average. I wish I could tell you I was more intelligent from all the reading, but it’s been what I like to call “marshmallow” fiction with happy endings and general life lessons that I learned in Sunday School as a child.

– I’ve developed codependent relationship with Netflix. With my completion of Lost, I moved on to the West Wing, got bored with the liberal agenda (and let’s face it, Martin Sheen gets a tad bit much after several hours). I’m scheduled to complete Ally McBeal in the next two weeks and I’m debating on watching the few seasons of 24 I missed in college. I’ve also tried to counteract the black hole of intelligence forming in my head from these shows by watching several documentaries (best one so far is “Mansome” if you can get past some of the language).

– I’ve changed my hair texture. Venus gave me a perm two weeks ago, and it’s taken me as long to figure out how to style it. I’ve irrevocably damaged my otherwise healthy hair, but hey, I was bored.

– I’ve sewed stuff. The key word here is “sewed”, not “completed sewing projects”. I’ll get there.

 

 

 

2 thoughts on “Now You’ll Know What I Did This Summer

  1. Cleverly written–love your humor–wish I had found your blog sooner!! Cheers to married life! It sounds like life is good.

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